Okay. So. Here we are again with That Thought.
The “I am the problem, I did bad things, I am evidence of my own guilt” thought.
The “if enough people said it, and no one defended me, it must be true” thought.
It’s persistent. I’ll give it that. Ten out of ten for commitment.
You’ve carried this for a long time, and it makes sense that you believed it.
Because it wasn’t just a random worry. It came with… evidence.
People’s reactions. Their words. Their silence. The way no one stepped in.
So of course your brain went,
“Well, if everyone is acting like I’m the problem, I must be the problem.”
That wasn’t stupidity. That was logic. Survival logic.
But here’s the thing we’re starting to actually see now:
just because a whole system treats you like you’re the problem
does not mean you are.
The system failed us — not the other way around.
And yes, that sentence might sound nice and neat,
but it’s actually kind of infuriating when you sit with it.
Because if the system failed you, that means what happened
was never about you being broken or bad.
It was about you being you in an environment that was not built for you,
and then being blamed for not fitting a shape that was never yours.
Those old thoughts—let’s call them the Headtrash Committee—
they act like they’re running a courtroom in your headspace.
They like to drag out every memory where you were messy, reactive, overwhelmed,
every moment where you masked badly or got it “wrong,” . That’s what head trash does.
Headtrash doesn’t care for the truth, for the evidence. But we care, so before we accept the judgments of head trash we say, “ where’s the evidence? Is it credible? Are there other explanations? What have we learned from this? “
Headtrash are not credible witnesses.
They are not trustworthy, not rational, not kind, not truthful, and wildly hypocritical.
They twist context. They ignore what you were living through. They taunt and trigger your nervous system. Its what they do and we will not give them any more power…
Their words meaningless to us, and that is what we have decided.
Headtrash can sound very compelling, they can sound like the truth… we get it. Sometimes they take on the voice of people that hurt us and repeat them back and repeat them like broken records. But we know better now…
When a headtrash committee sees says something, label it, “ thank you for your opinion, but that sounds like headtrash' and we do not entertain headtrash broken records.”
Self, If someone you loved came to you with the exact same story,
would you talk to them the way your Headtrash Committee talks to you?
So let’s make a recommitment to ourselves, the same grace we give to others, we are allowed to give to ourselves.
You can look back at younger you and see someone doing the best they could
with a completely overloaded nervous system in a world not designed for it.
That was the version of yourself that was punished for being different,
and then blamed themselves for being punished.
So when the headtrash shows up—
“I am the problem, I did bad things, I am my own evidence”
Let’s say:
You are Headtrash. You are not a reliable witness.
You are loud, but that doesn’t make you right.
So self, let’s remember:
The system failed us — not the other way around. This doesn’t erase our past , but it keeps us from being trapped inside , from being its victim.
Self, say: “It was never my fault. And I forgive myself.”
when I forgive myself, I don’t pretend that there was no impact.
I look honestly at what happened,
with all the context that was missing before,
and I decide that I am no longer going to live as if I am the villain of my own story.
I will look at the whole picture instead of the worst frame.
We don’t have to feel these words fully yet…. We just need to water them like plants…and they will eventually flourish.
Repeat these thoughts daily and remember, you are in contro
