by Tahirat Nasiru
Greetings đź‘‹
If you’ve ever felt like your brain is a constant civil war—craving routine and spontaneity, deep focus and total distraction, social connection and utter solitude—you might be navigating this unique intersection. You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re likely dealing with the powerful, often opposing, interplay of two neurotypes.
As an ADHD coach, I see this daily. It’s not just "a little bit of both." It’s a distinct experience where the rules of one condition are constantly vetoed by the needs of the other.
The Autistic and ADHD "Voices"
A powerful tool I use with clients is personification. Give these parts of your brain a name!
For example:
George (The Autistic Voice): Values predictability, rules, detail, and deep interests. George loves schedules, consistency, and finds comfort in sameness. He gets overwhelmed by sensory chaos and social ambiguity.
Linda (The ADHD Voice): Craves novelty, stimulation, and spontaneity. Linda is driven by urgency and emotion, chases dopamine, and struggles with task initiation and working memory. She finds rigid routines suffocating.
They are the ultimate "odd couple" living in your head. George wants a color-coded planner for the year. Linda wants to impulsively book a last-minute flight. The result? Often, paralysis, frustration, and a lot of self-criticism.
The AuDHD Tug-of-War in Real Life
Let’s break down how this plays out:
Scenario | The Autistic Voice (George) Says | The ADHD Voice (Linda) Says | The Resulting AuDHD Experience |
|---|---|---|---|
Planning a Saturday | "We must follow the schedule. 10 AM: groceries. 1 PM: laundry." | "This schedule is boring! Let's see what's happening downtown instead!" | Task Paralysis. You end up scrolling on the couch, annoyed at yourself for doing neither. |
Social Gathering | "Social rules are confusing. The lights are too bright. I need a script." | "People = stimulation! Let's talk to everyone! Ooh, a new person!" | Rapid Overstimulation. You might dive in energetically, then hit a sensory wall and need to leave immediately. |
Starting a Project | "I must research every detail perfectly before I begin." | "This is exciting! Let's start right now! (But first, let me check my phone.)" | Perfectionism Meets Procrastination. The project feels both urgent and impossible to start "correctly." |
Grocery Shopping | "Stick to the list. The fluorescent lights are awful. Why is the music so bad?" | "Forget the list! What's on sale? Ooh, free samples! Wait, what did I come for?" | Cognitive Overload. You may leave with random items, having forgotten the essentials, feeling utterly drained. |
Why Understanding This Interplay is a Game-Changer
It Reduces Self-Blame: That internal conflict isn't a character flaw. It's a neurobiological reality. You're not "lazy" or "weird"—you're negotiating a complex peace treaty between George and Linda.
It Informs Better Strategies: Strategies that work for "pure" ADHD (e.g., body-doubling) might be rejected by the autistic need for solitude. Autism-friendly routines might be sabotaged by ADHD's need for novelty. The solution lies in customized hybrids.
It Validates Your Experience: The AuDHD experience is its own thing. You may feel "not autistic enough" for some communities and "not ADHD enough" for others. Recognizing the interplay validates that your unique challenges and strengths are real.
Coaching Tips to Harmonize Your Internal Committee
Name Your Voices. During a moment of conflict, ask: "Who's talking right now? Is this George needing order, or Linda needing a spark?" Just identifying it diffuses power.
Structured Flexibility. This is the AuDHD mantra. George needs structure; Linda needs flexibility. So create flexible frameworks. "On Saturdays, I do one chore and one fun thing—the order and choice can change." Use timers for focused work (satisfying George's need for a plan) but let Linda choose the task when the timer starts.
Sensory & Stimulation Balance. Plan recovery time around stimulating activities. "I will go to the concert (Linda's joy), but I will bring noise-canceling headphones (George's protection) and have the next day completely quiet to recover."
Reframe the "Why." Struggle with chores? The autistic voice may see it as a pointless, repetitive punishment. The ADHD voice sees it as boring. Reframe it: "I am organizing this space to reduce sensory clutter for George" or "I will put on a podcast and race the timer to make this fun for Linda."
The Bottom Line
Living with AuDHD is not about curing one part or the other. It’s about becoming a skilled mediator and facilitator for your own brilliant, mismatched brain.
Your George brings incredible depth, loyalty, and expertise. Your Linda brings creativity, enthusiasm, and the ability to think outside the box. Together, they can be chaotic, but they are also capable of incredible things when their needs are acknowledged and balanced.
Your homework this week: Notice one moment of internal conflict. Pause and ask: "Is this George or Linda?" Just practice naming it. Awareness is the first, and most powerful, step toward building a collaborative inner team.
You’ve got this.
